I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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