Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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