Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
