Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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