I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
