i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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