he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
