Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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