I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
