We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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