Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
