I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
