This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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