Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize