just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
