He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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