Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
