we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think my moral compass just broke
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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