Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
