I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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