dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize