what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
