I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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