stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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