I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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