I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
