Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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