i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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