did you get engaged???
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
