was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
