I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
