We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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