I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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