he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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