Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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