he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
