i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
