Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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