you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
