Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
