my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
