the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
