you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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