Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
