i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
