So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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