We won't sleep together?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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