Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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