I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
