just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
