I must be too annoying 4 u.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
