yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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