this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
