all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
