Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
