I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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