Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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