Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
