Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
