good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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