She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
