plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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