even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
