I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
