Me. At least after what I've been through.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
