She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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