Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
