Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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