is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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