It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
