its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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