You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Farmville is her only friend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
