And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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